It always comes in three's

This past weekend was a mixture of sweetness and bitterness. It's amazing how one's heart tries to protect itself, but one little thing can undo all of that work.
We had a Halloween/birthday party for our latest inductee of the Confederation of the Bitches, Alicia. The party was a hit. We had about 21 people or so and the decorations and food turned out great. There were a lot of people dressed up and Christena's cousin and I had blown up these really cool long balloons with a bicycle pump. Tenie strung up cob webbing and we had grave stone candles that bled red wax lit around the house. Not to mention our strategically placed spider, skeleton and witch hats. So, that was the fun part. Part of the bad part had occurred earlier that day while we were blowing up balloons.
One of the people I was a camp councillor for this summer-and had become very close to-died. He passed away from complications of Diabetes. I was pretty upset, but I tried to push it aside so that the party wouldn't be a flop. I had gone to his and his common-law wife's house for Thanksgiving and they had basically become my adopted parents down here. From there the weekend kept getting worse.
Sunday my parents phoned and said that there may be an impending separation-it is dependent upon whether or not my Dad can stop his drinking or not. This has been an ongoing issue in my nuclear family and lately, it's just gotten worse.
The third issue, which doesn't seem as huge as the first two, is that our freezer crapped out. I smelled plastic burning on Saturday night and although we all searched, no one could find the smelly source. It turned out that the breaker on our freezer blew and this morning when we went to take stuff out for supper, the bananas I had been freezing for muffins had thawed and oozed all over Christena and the freezer. I spent part of the morning cleaning it out. It was pretty disgusting. All of our meat had thawed, so tonight we spent the majority of the night cooking the chicken.
It's not that the freezer was a big deal. We just lost some meat and managed to save a lot of it. I guess it's just everything is piling up. I had the week from Hell last week with school stuff and I just feel like I am being smothered. Friday is Taylor's funeral and I promised Lise I would go. She started crying when I said I was coming and then we talked about all of the great stories Taylor would tell. She said "I love you," when she hung up and I lost it right there. I said, "I love you," back and then hung up sobbing. I don't understand. Here is this couple-completely in love with each other. She's already lost one husband to Diabetic complications and here she loses her "life partner," as she calls him. Then, there's my parents, who love each other, but they just can't seem to get past my Dad's drinking. His drinking has had a huge impact on me. It's made me have trust issues and I always want to fix everything that I think may be broken. I guess, subconsciously, I figure if I can't help him, I can console everyone else and make it all better. Well, I know logically that can't happen, but, I guess I can hold out hope. I think I am teetering on the edge of a depression. I feel like one little slip and I could tumble down to the bottom. It's a vicious circle. I am too busy helping everyone else, that I don't have time for myself. I dont' know where else to go with this blog. It's just a random jumble of my thoughts spewed out in a disorganised fashion. I just needed to ramble I guess. Problem is, I'm not sure I have said everything I need to say-I just can't find words. Carmen and Tenie have been good. Tenie brought me to bed last night and tucked me in. She stayed with me until I finished crying and Carmen curled up with me and made me laugh. They made the fuzzies sleep with me for comfort. They said it was the animals' jobs because they were earning their keep. :)
Anyway, I should try to sleep. I have swim practice in the morning.

"I want to Be Consequence Free"

Great Big C Lyrics

Wouldn't it be great,
If noone ever got offended?
Wouldn't it be great,
To say what's really on your mind?

I've always said,
All the rules are made for bending.
And if I let my hair down,
Would that be such a crime?

I wanna be consequence free!
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter.
I wanna be consequence free!
I could really use,
To lose my Catholic conscience.
Cause I'm getting sick,
Of feeling guilty all the time.

I won't abuse it,
Yeah I've got the best intentions.
For a little bit of anarchy,
But not the hurting kind.

I wanna be consequence free!
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter.
I wanna be consequence free!

Oh! I couldn't sleep at all last night,
Cause I had so much on my mind.
I'd like to leave it all behind,
But you know it's not that easy.

Oh! But for just one night,
Wouldn't it be great,
If the band just never ended?
We could stay out late,
And we would never hear last call.

Wouldn't need to worry about approval or permission.
We could slip off the edge,
And never worry about the fall.

I wanna be consequence free!
I wanna be where nothing means to matter.
I wanna be consequence free!

Dangerous Drivers

Dear Editor,
Below you will find pasted a letter addressing the inconsiderate and dangerous driving habits of Kitchener-Waterloo drivers.
I would appreciate it if you could please consider it for publication.
Thank you for your time

People have always complained about the road etiquette, or lack there of, in the Kitchener-Waterloo area. As a pedestrian, I have often noticed that most
drivers are patient and allow pedestrians to cross the streets safely-at least that was the case for the last three years. I am not only a pedestrian,
but a totally blind pedestrian, whose main transportation is my own two feet and heart beat. I used to feel comfortable walking the streets of Waterloo.
Perhaps I gave the drivers too much credit.
Recently, I have been running into inconsiderate, speeding drivers that have no time for a university student to cross the street. In the last week and
a half, two cars have literally flown around the corners of King or Albert onto Bricker Street, nearly running me and my guide dog down. The point is not
that I cannot see, but that this is an area where students live and should be safe from vehicles. It’s just common courtesy to slow down when approaching
a residential street. There have been other problematic areas, on and off of campus, as well. Often parents picking up their children from a nearby elementary
school, speed recklessly onto Central street from either King or Albert. There have been many close calls for not only myself, but other people trying
to cross the streets. There have been many times when my dog has pushed me back up onto a curb because someone has torn around a corner without slowing.
I do not remember drivers being so inconsiderate. It seems to be that this particular September, the close calls that I have faced have increased. In fact,
in four years, I have only had one other near accident where someone almost ran my dog and I over. What is it about this year that is different? I am not
certain how to rectify such a problem. All I know that is something terrible is going to happen if people do not become more aware of the other individuals
either walking or driving on the roads with them. Unfortunately, at that point, it will be too late.

Wedding Bells Are Ringing

No, not for me-maybe some day that will happen, but for now it's one of my very good friends. He messaged me last night on MSN and told me that he had put a down payment on an engagement ring for his girlfriend. I was so happy for him! I wanted to talk more about it, but he was going to bed. I was wondering when he was going to do it. About a month ago he was asking me when I thought would be a good length of time in a relationship to propose. I explained that it was completely individual and that he would have to decide that for himself. I asked if they had had fights and if if they were able to work through them and he said yes. I told him that was probably a good indicator. So, I guess he decided he was ready to get serious about the whole proposal thing. *Sidenote: he said I was his best friend and that was why he was telling me first and I told him that I better be the best "man" then. He said we'd talk about it in the morning*.
I suppose I was a bit shocked at the news too. He's only six months older than me and I guess I'm not ready for my friends to start getting married off. :) I guess it also made me a bit nastelgic too because I've known him since I was nine and I remember him asking me out. It made me think, "Wow, that could have been me." The funny thing is, I'm glad it's not. I'm definitely not ready for marriage. I wouldn't mind getting involved in a serious relationship that could potentially lead to marriage-okay who are we kidding, a long term relationship would be more than nice-but if someone proposed to me today I would say "Hell no!" I have so much more I need to do before all of that stuff starts happening-like graduate university and then get my massage therapy diploma. So, for now, I will be content to watch from the sidelines-watching fondly and supportively- as my friends launch a new venture in their lives.