Swimming Thoughts: Going to Germany

Today I leave for Germany for a competition. My tapper-and part time coach-Dave is coming with me as Christena is getting her wisdom teeth taken out this afternoon. We'll get in tomorrow morning and racing will start next Friday. The meet is actually in Berlin, but we'll be staying in a different city until next Thursday when they will transport the entire swim team to Berlin. We have a 21 member swim team-fifteen women and six men. There are a lot of new athletes on the team this year, and it's good to see that there are up and coming swimmers. Most of the swimmers that have been around since 2000, which was when I made my first national team, will be retiring after the paralympic Games in Beijing. I have pretty much decided I'm retiring. My passion for the sport is slipping and you can't be an elite athlete when you "sort of" want to be doing it. It takes a lot of dedication and sacrifice and that requires a 100 percent commitment. I know I can put in that effort until September when the Games will be held, but after that, I don't think I want to do it anymore. It's kind of an interesting thought. Swimming is such a huge part of my identity and it has been for so long. I'll miss it, but it will be good to move on to other things. It also seems kind of appropriate to be retiring. I am graduating in June and moving in September to attend massage therapy college so it seems like a new chapter of my life will be starting and one closing. The head coach of team Canada asked me to consider continuing swimming because he thinks that I am only reaching the peak of my athletic career now, and although I agree with him to a certain extent, if my heart and mind arent' in it, then I can't force myself to do it. I used to get so excited about leaving for competitions. I'd pack early and it would be the only thing I could think of. I'm leaving at 1 this afternoon and I haven't even packed yet! (I'll get on that when I am done writing this). All I can think of right now is how many hard workouts and how much pain I'm going to end up being in from all of the training we'll be doing leading up to the competition next weekend. This tells me that my head isn't in the right place. I should be thinking of all of the exciting experiences I'll have in Germany. I should just be excited that I'm going to Germany at all, but instead I'm worried about the racing and how I'll place and whether or not I'll make it through the training camp. No matter how many national records you hold, no matter how many medals you have got in the past, or how fast you are, you have to get faster to stay competitive with the rest of the world and that is a lot of pressure. Either way, I have to pull myself out of this funk and go and represent my country to the best of my ability-my parents always said I was my worst critic and I think they're right.
So wish me luck and I'll tell you all about it when I return in two weeks or so.

Missing My Girl

So Jetta has been gone for almost 24 hours exactly and it is definitely not the same without her. This morning Dyan asked me if I wanted to go for breakfast and since she had to leave for work right after, I had to make sure Christena or Carmen were coming so that I had some way to get home. I also have an appointment with a doctor this afternoon to get my Guide Dog application physical Health form filled ot and I had to co-ordinate my appointment with one of my roommates to make sure I could get there. I really do rely on Jetta because I don't trust my cane travel. I'm sure if worse came to worse I could use a cane to get somewhere, but I just can't bring myself to endure that much stress. Fortunately for me, my roommates are pretty understanding and don't mind helping me in situations like this-since it doesn't happen very often. Tomorrow my coach is picking me up for swim practice in the morning since I can't get there without Jetta. It's interesting how large their role really is in your life. Last night before I went to bed, I went to grab her leash to take her out, but neither Jetta nor her leash are here. Oh well, only thirteen more days and I'll get her back.
It's kind of strange as well because I just opened the door to get a package Swimming Canada sent me and she wasn't here rushing to see who was here. I reached down out of habit to grab a collar, but there was no dog to stop. I better go open this package and figure out what time we're leaving Wednesday for Germany-they finally sent us our airplane tickets.
PS: For those of you I haven't talked to in a while, the above reference to the Guide dog application means that I am retiring Jetta at the end of the summer. Recently she's been slowing down when working and I think she's telling me she's done. I will explain that more in another post.

A Very Busy Weekend

This has been a very busy weekend for both Jetta and I. Friday we were in Guelph and spent the day picking up my new hearing aid and letting Jetta run at a conservation area. But let's start with the hearing aid.
I have had 90 percent hearing loss in my right ear since I was about four or so. I had radiation therapy when I was younger to try to save my eyes and unfortunately a side effect of that treatment was hearing loss. The doctors tried to fit me with a hearing aid as a kid, but I wouldn't wear it. Not because I was worried about what it looked like, but because it made everything sound tinny. I had been so used to hearing a certain way, they couldn't convince me to wear it. Finally, around Christmas time, a friend of mine-Brooke-went and got one and told me about how much it helped her. I figured it might be a good idea since sometimes I fail tohear cars when crossing streets-so I guess it's a safety thing with me. So, Friday I picked mine up. I have been slowly introducing myself to it. It sounds strange and the thing that I have to get used to is my own voice. It's so weird!
After that appointment, Brooke, her husband Huib, my parents and all of the dogs-five in total-went out to a conservation area. It is basically a big long trail that has a fence on the outer edge to keep people and their dogs away from the highway. There were so many dogs running loose it was amazing. At first, I didn't want to take Jetta off of her leash. Regardless of how much work I have done with her and her recall, she still refuses to come back. I know she knows what it is because sometimes she chooses to return, but then others, she just walks-or runs-the other direction. My dad told me that if i let her go, he would chase her if necessary, so I let her go. She was so excited! She ran in crazy circles and went crashing through the under brush. The most amazing part of it all was that she went swimming. Not just a little splash up to her belly, full out swimming. And what's even more amazing is that she went willingly and more than once. I was completely shocked. The best part was that she actually came back when I called her. So, Brooke and I have decided that this seems to be a good place for Jetta to be "free" and that it will have to be something we do often.
Yesterday Christena, Carmen and I went to a friend's wedding. It was one of the most non-traditional traditional weddings I have ever been to. (Jetta stayed at home with my parents because I decided she would enjoy a day with them rather than sitting at a church and a reception hall. They took her for a run at the dog park and a walk later that night to the park behind my house). The couple were married in a church, but instead of the wedding march the bride came down the aisle to Darth Vader's theme music. The whole ceremony had references to Star Wars, Star Trek and BattleStar Galactica. The women carried books instead of bouquets of flowers and the men's handkerchiefs had characters from Super Mario Brothers One. Instead of dancing the guests were encouraged to play video games. We left around 10:30, but decided that since we were all dressed up and the night was still young, we had to go dancing.
We ended up at a night club called The Revolution in our wedding attire and danced the rest of the night away. By the time we got home our feet were killing us and thought mine would never go back to their normal shape. That is what you get for wearing three inch heels for over twelve hours.
My parents left this morning and took Jett with them. I am leaving on Wednesday for a swim competition and decided not to take her with me. I think she'll have a good two week vacation, but I miss her already. Oh well. I think she'll enjoy running around with Flash at home rather than sitting on an airplane or a stuffy pool deck.
So that was my weekend in a nut shell-today will be a day of leisure and getting caught up on laundry and such things.

I'm Still Alive

This will just be a quick post, but I just wanted to let everyone know that I am still alive and plan to start writing again. I know I've said that before, but now that my under grad has been completed, I have the time and may actually get the urge to sit down at the computer and write. So, for now this it as I am out the door to get supplies such as razors and toothpaste.

"A Guide Dog Christmas"

'Twas the night before Christmas and the kennels were still, with most dogs now asleep having eaten their fill. The Labradors sprawled out, quite snug in
their beds, while visions of ANYTHING edible danced in their heads. And the Goldens and Shepherds curled up on the floor, some twitched in their sleep
and some even did snore. The dog food was stacked in the feed room with care, in hopes that a trainer soon would be there. On the window ledge, one of

the kennel cats lay, surveying the lawn at the end of this day. Something was different, that little cat knew. Tonight something would happen, it had to
be true. For that day as the workers had left to go home, They'd wished Merry Christmas! before starting to roam. The dogs had noticed it too during this
past week's walks, the trainers seemed just that much happier and eager to talk. In the mall where they worked through the maze of people and stores, there
were decoration and music and distractions galore! Most dogs pranced along without worry or fear, but some balked at the man on the sleigh and those fake
looking deer. The cat was almost asleep too when he first heard the sound, a whoosh through the air and a jingle around. It reminded him of a dog's collar

when the animal shook, but this sound kept on growing. He'd better go look. From the ceiling there came a faint sort of thunk, as the kennel cat climbed
to the highest pile of junk. Once before people had worked on the roof, and come down through the trap door to a chorus of "Woooof!" But the dogs still
were quiet, all sleeping so sound, as this man dressed in red made his way right on down. He patted the cat as he climbed past his spot, then made his
way right to the trainers' coffee pot. A shepherd sat up, not fully awake, then a Golden followed her with a mighty loud shake. That did it! All the dogs
sprang to life with loud noise. In spite of the din, the old man kept his poise. He filled the pot full and it started to brew, then he pulled up a chair

and took in the view. Dogs all around him, so carefully bred, he knew well their jobs, the blind people they led. Some had stopped barking and looked at
him now, while others delighted in their own deafening howl. Laying a finger in front of his lips, the jolly old man silenced the excitable yips. "You
all may not know me, but I'm Santa Claus," the old man smiled and took a short pause, While he filled up his mug with hot liquid and cream, "I've always
wanted to stop here. It's been one of my dreams." The cat had climbed down and was exploring Santa's sack. "Yes, little kitty, that's an empty pack." Santa
smiled as he drank and looked at those eyes, deep brown ones and gold ones held wide in surprise. Some of these dogs, he'd seen just last year, in their

puppy homes, cute and full of holiday cheer. He'd seen the effects of a pup on the tree, but now they were here at the school, just waiting to be. "I didn't
bring you presents or bones just to chew. I'll tell you something better, what you are going to do." "You all will work hard and the trainers will share,
both praise and correction, gentle and fair." "You'll go lots of places and face big scary things. You'll ride buses and subways and hear fire sirens ring.""Cars
will drive at you but you will stand strong, not moving into danger, not moving toward wrong." "And then just when you think that this trainer's the best,
the kindest, and funniest person, toss away all the rest," "That trainer will begin to ignore you and give you away, handing your leash over despite your
dismay." "Now the person who pets you and feeds you will be a blind person. That's a person who can't see." "This man or this woman may see just a tad,
but their view's missing parts or the focus is bad." "So you, well trained dogs, will act as their eyes. You will work as a team and discover the size"
"Of this great world we live in, because you will go a million new places with this person, you know." Santa sipped at his coffee and looked over the brood,
knowing what he had to say next might sound kind of rude. "Not all of you will make it and become canine guides. Your time here isn't wasted though. You
won't be cast aside." "Some of you will be drug dogs and some will find bombs. Some will become pets in a home with a dad and a mom." "All

these things are important. People wait on long lists, to receive such good dogs as you, the school folks insist." The last drop of coffee had gone into
his cup as Santa turned, smiling at each wide eyed pup. "The best gift of all is to give something back. That's why there's nothing for you all inside
of my pack." Draining his mug, Santa went to each pen, and petted and scratched each dog again and again. "Now next year and many more years after that,
you all will give gifts wherever you're at." "You might lick a hand that's had a bad day, Or notice a car and step out of the way." "You might help catch
a crook or discover some loot, Or just bring some joy to a tired old man in a funny red suit." "Your master will love you and treat you with care. In return,

your training and trust will always be there." After the last dog had been petted and soothed, Santa put away the coffee pot and made ready to move. Up
the ladder he rose to the door high above, with a smile and a wave as he slipped on his gloves. And all the dog ears were pricked as he disappeared out
of sight. "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!"

(Author Unknown)

A glimpse into the Future

Lately I’ve been thinking about what I will do once I have graduated from my university program. Originally I had thought that I would go and get a Master’s in Sociology, but that plan has changed to massage therapy college. I had always thrown the two different ideas around, but as my second last semester draws to an end, I really think I want to do something different. Sociology has been a fantastic program. I have learned so much and value my experience, but if I go into Sociology as a career, I will be stuck behind a desk for the rest of my life and this thought just isn’t satisfying. Last week I spoke to another blind person who is nearly finished her RMT diploma. She had a lot of valuable things to say and just talking to her got me excited about the prospects of becoming an RMT myself. I’ve even recently thought about adding a second part to my practice-dog massage. I could open up a practice for humans and then add the dog part on after I get a good client base. I wonder if there would be a market for dog massage, but there are dog chiropractors, so perhaps there would be. I also just phoned a practising blind massage therapist and left a voice mal for him. He has taught classes at a massage school and said that he would be willing to speak to me about his experiences. I think actually talking to people in the field has been helpful for me. It’s helped me to decide that this actually what I want to do because for a while I was all stressed out trying to decide. I have also come to the conclusion that if massage therapy doesn’t work out for me ten years down the road, then I can always go back to Sociology and get that Master’s. The number of mature students is increasing, so I see no problem with this. Besides, I am in Sociology, we’re meant to question the norm and break social rules. lol

A Much Happier Me

Today I am not feeling as overwhelmed as I was when I wrote that entry last night. I have pretty much finished the research for one of the papers that is due this week, so that helps. Also, one of my friends and I went to the dog park today. It was cold, but the sun was shining and it was just so refreshing to get out there and walk around. Jetta loved it too. She ran so fast and played with other dogs as well. We met so many different breeds of dogs too-it was pretty cool. There was even a little black lab puppy who was in training to be a service dog. I think I gave his foster mom hope that everything would turn out because she was worried that he had too much energy. I told her Jetta was almost seven and still crazy, so not to worry about energy levels. There are people out there who need high energy dogs as well as low energy ones. There were three Basset Hounds, a few labs of varying colour, a husky mix of sorts, a Rottweiler mix, a golden retriever mix pup, a bull dog pup and many many more. I couldn’t believe how busy the place actually was. Usually when Jetta and I have gone there aren’t many other dogs present, but I guess because the sun was finally out and it was Sunday there were more dogs and handlers there. I was impressed that Jetta decided to run with a few of them. Usually she just goes around mowing the grass, but today she was galloping this way and that and prancing around. She seems to be in a good mood now. And yes, my dog has moods. She is tired out though. She laid on the couch beside me after we got home while I read some more research articles. It was really good to just get out of the house, forget all of this essay stuff and bitch about silly insignificant things. I mean, we talked about important things as well, but it was relaxed and we had a few good laughs. She brought her black lab Raven as well and although he's almost nine, he made a good go of running about with the other dogs too. It's also nice to talk to her because she's in sociology with me and understands a lot of the stuff that I spew out. Most people are uncomfortable with some of my thought processes because they challenge normative assumption, but she's great because we can just rant away at each other and it makes sense. We hardly know one another and because of our Soc background, we're able to talk about a lot of things that most people would feel weird talking about. I mean we ranted away about vaginas! lol By the time we loaded the dogs up in the car, they were both worn out and a bit muddy, but extremely happy wuffers.
I gave her some of the Christmas cookies Brooke and I baked on Friday for the dogs. They are peanut butter and black current and the others are beef and garlic. The peanut butter ones are even in Christmas shapes like snowmen and Christmas trees. We had a good time. I hope her three boys-Midas, Wuggy and Raven (I may have spelled Wuggy wrong) -like them. :) They deserve Christmas treats too!
Anyway, all in all it was a lot of fun and I think it was good for Jetta to be able to do “dog” things instead of just working. I didn’t even bring her harness and I think that made her happy.

Jumbled Thoughts

I sit here in front of my keyboard with the urge to write stuff down, but I don't really know what to write down. It's just random scrambled craziness sloshing around in my head and I don't even know where to start. I'm not sure there is even anything to write about. There is not just one thing that has happened to me recently that I feel the need to go on about.
So, here it goes...whatever comes out I guess.
I feel restless-I think it's partially due to homesickness. It's that time of year where I am ready to go home. I want Christmas to be here. I want snow and Christmas trees and carols.
But, before any of that can happen-I have to write three papers...three poorly formulated papers I might add; present one huge presentation and go to s swim competition that I probably can't afford. We have these mandatory swim meets that we have to pay for out of own pockets, which was fine when I was federally funded, but I have lost that funding and I don't know where I am going to get the money from. The meet offers the opportunity to make the time standards to get that funding back, but that is huge pressure. I am frustrated because I have won my country 2 silver and 2 gold medals at the Para Pan-Am games in Brazil this summer and it wasn't enough to get the financial support I need.
I owe my roommates money because they have been buying groceries. If it weren't for them I'm not sure I would be able to eat.
Jetta seems to be slowing down-I think she sense my stress and plus it's winter, but I get frustrated with her faster. I don't mean to. It's not her fault that I am dealing with all of this crap from the swimming world. Sometimes I feel like she wants to retire. I think she is sick of going to the pool and to classes and nowhere else, but I don't have time or energy to go anywhere else. I try to take her for walks-just the two of us, but sometimes after a really hard practice I just don't have the energy.
The essays are scaring me because I have no motivation to write them at all. I just want this school year over so I can graduate and get out of here. I have had enough of sociology for now. It's a really heavy topic and after talking about the world's inevitable end gets tiresome after a while. The problem is these papers have to be done so I can actually graduate.
Back to the money thing-I have no money to get my parents Christmas presents. I know they don't expect anything, but I want to give them something. I love giving people presents. I love their reactions and I just think, not necessarily the price tag, but the thought I put into the gift make it more special. Maybe I'll have to be creative and come up with something.
And then there's next year. Will make the Paralympic team? Will I perform well at the Games if I do make the team? How will find a place to live in a new city when I am in China?
Not to mention, the head coach of Swim Canada's disabled swim team has finally said that he thinks that I am the same as the other completely male swimmer on the team. The man is an idiot. The other swimmer lives at home, gets driven to practice, has his dad tap and coach him, has his mom and dad take of his meals and other such things. I am here, paying my own rent, finding my own tappers/coaches, paying for everything on my own. It's no wonder I swim slower than he does. I have to expend more energy in more areas than he has to. It's disgusting! The head coach also thinks it's stupid that I got Jetta one year instead of going to a World championship. Um, hello! If it weren't for Jetta I wouldn't get to the pool now. I had to make a decision. It was a difficult decision, but I did what I thought would beneficial in the long term. He just doesn't get it. He doesn't try to get it. He makes assumptions and doesn’t' bother to get to know his athletes or care about what they have to say or how their lives are lived. We all come from different backgrounds and have different life experiences. I come from a low socio-economic background, my parents don't have money to give to me for swimming. The other swimmer comes from a higher socio-economic background-his father is a doctor for fuck sakes! He has more resources at his disposal if he ever needed them.
I don’t' know what else to say. I can't find words strong enough to explain my anger and frustration at the coach. He is so ignorant an he has no excuse. He has been coaching the Swimmers' with a disability swim team for fat least four years now...a little more than that. He's never showed empathy toward me. he has never told me that I am a good swimmer-he just harps on what I do wrong all of the time. I'm sick of it. I have thought about quitting so often lately, but if I do then he wins...but then if I make the team and do well, he gets all of the credit and still wins. It's a huge game for him. He makes me so angry I become inarticulate. That pisses me off even more.
I think I am done now...I will go to bed now and try to sleep.

A Tasty treat

I just thought I would share...
There is a girl in my class, and I won't name her here because I have not asked her if I can name her, but she works at a pet store as well as going to school. She is a huge dog person just like me and she often comes over and brings treats for Jetta. There is a certain kind made by Natural Choice that Jetta has totally fallen in love with. I am going to put the URL up in this post and you can copy and paste it into your web browser and see if your wuffers enjoy it as much as Jetta. They are a wet food in a can, but they are a dessert-there is pumpkin crumble, carrot cake and such things. I try not to give them to Jetta all of the time of course, but every once in a while they are a good meal supplement or even just a treat.

http://www.nutroproducts.com/ncdogprod.shtml#treat

So happy searching and I hope your dogs will be just as excited as Jetta. :)

A Scary Trip

As everyone knows, Jetta will be turning seven in about a month. She is still a very high energy dog and loves to work and play just as much as when I first got her-she just listens a bit better now. But with old age comes strange growths on your older body and on Wednesday, I had to take Jetta to get two such weird bumps checked out.
They were both small, but as a concerned mommy I felt it necessary to make sure that there was not anything to worry about. So off to the vet we went.
Upon arriving, Jetta was weighed and I was informed that she weighs 51 pounds-two pounds lighter than when I first got her. I had been trying to get her to lose weight because somehow in the summer, she gained an extra six pounds and I wanted them off of her. The vet told me to up her food intake a bit since her weight loss program had worked and she was now almost too light. (My previous vet told me that I would not be able to get Jetta to lose the weight because she was middle age now and that I should place her on weight management food. Yeah screw that buddy. I managed to get her to lose the weight just by working her more and decreasing her food just a little bit. I am just not comfortable putting my working dog on diet food if it can be helped). The vet did a complete examination, as it was our first visit to this vet. She was very gentle and extremely thorough. She was not condescending at all and this particular vet charges half price for service dogs. The atmosphere was much friendlier than the other vet as well, so I was happy with my switch.
After taking Jetta's temperature, heart beat, and checking eyes and ears, the vet felt the bumps and said she would take a sample from each. The first, which was located just behind Jetta's left shoulder was a cyst and disappeared as soon as the vet squeezed it and drew fluid out of it. The second is on Jetta's right back leg. It is very small, but feels different from the first. The vet did an analysis of the contents she got from the needle and has come to the hesitant conclusion that it is just a cyst as well. She told me to watch it and make sure it doesn't get any bigger or that fur doesn't fall off of it, or that Jetta doesn't start biting at it. This particular lump has been on Jetta's leg since the middle of August, to my knowledge, and none of these symptoms have surfaced yet. The vet said this in itself is a positive sign. If it does become sore or bigger then I have to take Jetta in to get it removed and then it will be sent off to a pathologist for analysis. I'm pretty sure it's just a cyst thingy, but it's still scary to think that your girl may have something wrong with her. That said, it's been three days and there still have not been any changes and she's just as energetic as ever. She still walks very quickly when we're working so I don't think it's bothering her at all. Sometimes don't you wish your little guys could just talk? Then I would know if it was hurting or itching her. On a positive note, the vet was very impressed at the shape that I keep Jetta in and was very happy with her overall health, which is very nice to hear. :)
So here’s to your health little girl. 