Friday, April 27, 2012

You Want me to Whats, Mama?

Herro, Hermione heres to tells you all abouts Da Mama's crazy idea. You knows hows these crazy hu Womans and crazy hu Mans get these ideas in thems brains and then they think you shoulds just do whats they says? Wells, my Mama's gots one of those crazy ideas in hers head and I'm heres to tells you why I am rights and hers is wrong.
Da Mama does this thingy where hers puts on her shoes and coat, tells me to sits, which I do 'cause I'm a good girl, puts on my leash and makes me go outsides. Don'ts gets me wrong, I loves outside. There are so many interesting thingies out theres fors me to, infloor...erm, explore! Yes, explore. As I was sayings, there are so many great thingies fors me to explore. I means, just this morning, when da Mama did her crazy coats/shoes/leash dance, and mades me go outside at fives EM...erm, AM? AM is morning, rights? Anyways, alls you needs to knows is that it was very very very very early. I founds hers a present and broughts it inside fors her. If I hadn't infloored, I nevers would have founds the great treasure; alls fors my Mama.
The thingy is, hers eyeballs don'ts works and so, hers didn't notice my present until hers had tucked me back in bed. Hers shrieked when hers found my present and brushed, um, rushed me to the bathroom where hers scrubbed hers paws likes crazy. She wasn't even thankful! Oh, no! Hers kept saying,
"that is absolutely disgusting, Hermione. Oh, gross!" Overs and overs again. I means, really, Mama? Those aren't very good banners, I mean manners. You are supposed to say thank you. I infloored for you! I haves no idea what the thingy was, so I did some crazy, super research before typing to you and nows I knows why da Mama was upset. I don'ts blames hers for being upset, but hers still should haves been thankful. I was onlys thinking of hers.
You sees, I carried, up 47 steps, into our home and into bed...a,...erm, well...tampon. Apparently, this is not the grossest part...Da Mama said it was used. Whatevers that means. Hers still could haves said thank you.
Anyways, I got eyed, side tracked. I ams trying to say that this coats/shoes/leash dance is very very very unnecessary. Really. It is.
Da Mama thinks that hers needs to go downs all 47 steps out into all kinds of weather just to dance around saying, "go potty, Hermione, go potty." It's kinds of embarrassing. Why would I wants to go potty out where I do my inflooring, wheres everyone can sees me?
Mama, don'ts you realise that there are many other betters places for me to goes potty, and the best part is that you don'ts have to do the coats/shoes/leash dance and then the "Hermione go potty dance.
Mama, I've comes up with a plant, um, plan...and I haves just the pollution...solution. No mores goings out in the bad weather; no mores dancing likes a crazy Hu woman; no mores! Nope.
Whys waste your times and energies when I can take myself? We don'ts even haves to leave our home. I am quite happee using that little squishy rug thingy you haves in the living room. Or, even betters yet!
I really prefers the  flower...power...erm, shower stall. That's rights. Just leaves the door open fors me and when I gots to go, I'll just hops in there, do my business. It's evens easy clean ups. No poop bags, no mores dancing and we can saves the outside for inflooring time, instead of Da Mama looking likes a fool time.
I thinks it's a great plant!
So, startings this mornings, I haves decided not to poops when Da Mama takes me outside. That ways, hers will learn that the shower stall is a much betters option fors us all.
You hears that, Mama?
I've heards of peoples protesting and striking. So, heres I go. I'm on a "no poop" strike until Da Mama takes this leash offs me and I can goes in the shower stall insteads.
Eleven hours and counting!


Frankie Furter and Ernie said...

Hermione I gotta tell you that You and my ERNIE would get along GRRRREAT. He would have thought that THING was a grrrreat treasure also.

I do love the Shower Idea though.
Hope you don't get constipated.

The Websters said...

OH Hermione! The poops belong outside. Do you hear me??? Huskies are VERY clean and we never ever keep our poops inside. You keep them OUTSIDE.



Finn said...

Sorry, but I side with your Momma on this! I wouldn't want that for a present either!

Team Beaglebratz said...

Hello there Hermione - the Diva Queen Shasta here - the furst mistake iz when SHE sez sit, it's ok tu du it BUTT don't du it so fast cuz theze kerazy hooo-minz think they are in control. Wrs, bing on that leesh an'then havin'to go potty when SHE sez - agin more control stuff. Hoominz like tu think THEY iz the boss BUTT we doggiez. know better. Not shure what tu tell u 'boutz your "gift" x-cept hoominzz just don't git the whole concept of US doggiez givin'giftz. I tried tu give my mom a dead mouse one time - even put it on the couch fer her BUTT she just did not understand why I did that - SHE THREW IT IN THE TRASH!

Okie-doky, gotta go take my early mid-day snooze. This probably didn't help much BUTT just know you iz NOT alone in this.
Diva Queen Shasta

Mango said...

Oh little one. I tried pooping in the shower a couple of times. My Master was NOT happy. I'm not sure why because you are so right that it was easy to clean up and no poop bags required.

As for the specimen that you brought to your bed, well, who knows, humans are so strange sometimes.


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