Untitled Confusion

Why is it when you are 12 you think that everything is so simple? You can conquer all and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or says. You can own your own corporation; have as many kids as you want; as many puppies as you want; tell your parents that their opinion of your partner doesn’t matter; dance on the moon; swing from a star; dream of changing the world one day. Why is it at 24 that you are not able to be naïve and life is not as simple? Things like love become very complicated and it does matter what other people will say or do. You are more aware of the fact that others could get hurt and that some people will disapprove. At 12, what others think is not such a big deal. Perhaps because at 12, one is not really looking for a life partner-no matter what your little girl imagination may think. At 24 there are things to worry about like geography, money, and again making sure no innocent bystanders get hurt. How is it that something that is supposed to be so wonderful becomes so political? The university education that you get also complicates things-it makes you aware of the little problems that could arise. Why is it that I can no longer look at something and see its simplicity and beauty? Why must I analyse it-pick it apart until I drive myself mad? Questions and thoughts jumble together in your head, invading your dreams when you sleep and circling through your brain when you are supposed to be focusing on something else. Emotions dance in and out of the corners of your mind like flickering flames…you are never really sure what you feel. Happy? Excited? Confused? Wary? Maybe all of these at the same time? When you are 12 happiness and excitement would be the dominant emotion-wariness comes with experience. Yet, underneath all of the confusion is a sense of rightfulness you just can’t explain…

Something weird happened

Ok, so half of my post was missing from the earlier one. Weird. Anyway, the point was...
I'm going to Brazil later today. Jetta isn't coming because of the fact that the village was built on a swamp and there are mosquitoes. I think there was more, but I am tired now. lol
So, I'll talk to you guys in 2 weeks.

On the Road again...

So, she headed home with my parents this morning. It was hard putting her in the SUV. I hope she doesn't miss me to much. My parents said she threw up grasss on the way home because of all of the grass she ate yesterday at the beach. lol
I miss her already-wait, did I already say that? :) I know she's in good hands, but I only have left her once before this. Oh well, I'm sure the 2 weeks will fly by-considering how busy I am going to be.
So to everyone out there who still reads this-see you in two weeks.
And thanks guys for the birthday wishes!
xoxoxox

Happy birthday to me and all that extra stuff

Okay Okay, so again I’ve been really bad at updating this blog of mine. But here is a quick update.
The last month or so I’ve been training a lot. I am leaving Monday for the Para Pan-Am Games in Rio Brazil. We’re there until August 20ieth and then we all fly home. The events I’m swimming are:
The 50 and 100 freestyle,
100 back,
100 breast,
the 200 IM (Individual medley),
and a few relays.
So, I guess I’m going to be pretty busy.
On the weekend of July 21st, Jason got married and it was an amazing ceremony and a great reception afterwards. My mom, Christena and I danced the night away and although the bride’s maid’s dress was gorgeous that I wore, I was pretty glad to get it off at the end of the night. Oh and the shoes too. I basically wore the dress and shoes for almost 12 hours, but it was so worth it. The dresses had gatherings on the skirts and the stitching was very loose so if someone stepped on it the gatherings came out. So, my groom’s man kept having to sew my skirt back it up. It was hilarious! The best part was that he did a fantastic job, even if he did put gatherings in where they had not been before. Jetta was the one to guide me down the aisle and she wore pearls like the rest of us. Jester wore a giant bow that made him look like a present. Chris played for the ceremony and it was lovely. Cotton just laid at his feet behind the piano and behaved himself. We even got Chris up to dance at the reception and at one point he was wearing a napkin on his head. According to Christena, he looked like Captain Underpants. Lol
Besides, the wedding and swimming, I had a course to finish. I wrote the final exam last Saturday and handed the essay in the night before. The paper had been due the week prior, but my Braille Note crashed and I lost 2500 of the 3500 word paper. I was livid. But at least that is done now.
Yesterday was my birthday and I was so amazed at how many phone calls and emails I got from everyone. It really made my day. Laura, Willow and Stella emailed me; Ashley phoned from Montreal; Jeevan phoned from Toronto; Tenie called from Sault Ste. Marie; my grandparents on my mom’s side sent me a card; Carmen emailed from Jordan; Nathan and Michael MSNED me; Jason-not the one who got married-emailed me, and my parents took me out for supper. It wasn’t the greatest birthday because I spent most of it running around trying to get my stuff ready for Rio, but it wasn’t too bad. Today a few of us are going to the beach for the day. It’s about an hour and a half drive away, so hopefully my mom doesn’t get too tired driving.
Speaking of my mom, my parents came down to visit Monday. They brought Flash with them and Wednesday we went to the beach and let Jetta and Flash play in the water. Brooke and Huib came and met us with their two dogs. Jetta only went In the water a few times, but I actually got her to swim and play fetch for about 15 minutes or so. I am was shocked! My Jetta? The Jetta who walks in giant arcs around puddles to make her precious paws don’t get wet? My Jetta who refuses to swim at all costs? My Jetta who can run up and down a pool deck during practice and not have one thought about jumping in? Yes, I know strange Labrador-one that hates water and playing fetch, but she did it!
Anyway, I think my non-swimming Labrador is wanting out now, so I’ll take her out, feed Sisu and Loki and find myself some breakfast.

"A working class hero"

So recently John Lennan songs have been redone by a bunch of more modern, popular artists. The songs have been compiled onto a two disk collection and the proceeds go to Amnesty International. Of course, I purchased myself a copy after hearing Green Day's Rendition of "A Working Class Hero." I not only love the powerful music, but love the lyrics as well. Thus, I have opted to post them here. Hopefully, this will motivate people to look at their own beliefs and maybe even buy the CD and support AI.

as soon as you're born they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be

They hurt you at home and they hit you at school
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be

When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career
When you can't really function you're so full of fear
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be

Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV
And you think you're so clever and classless and free
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be

There's room at the top they are telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be

If you want to be a hero well just follow me
If you want to be a hero well just follow me

Celebrate Good Times!!!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY JETTA!!!!!! Can you believe it? We’ve been together for five years. I remember the first day I got you perfectly.
Laura and I were awaiting the arrival of our new dogs patiently. She on her side of the room and me on mine. The door was open and we could hear the trainers walking in some very excited, strangely named dogs. I can remember thinking, “please no stupid names! I have to take that dog to university with me.” Jeorge, my trainer, was the first trainer to come into our room. He told me my dog’s name was Jetta and that I should call her when he entered with her. (He was very adamant that her name was Jetta not Jetti). Jeorge did not tell me the sex or the breed of my dog until he came back. He took my leash that I had been carefully breaking in for three days and returned with a very hyper Jetta yanking his arm off. He said, “call her,” and I said, “Jetta come here baby.” She was so excited she came bounding into the room, still attached to Jeorge, and ran right past me in typical Jetta style. Then she turned around and ran past again licking my bare leg in the process. When Jeorge finally handed me the leash, I climbed onto the floor to check out the little black ball of energy that was bouncing crazily around. It was love at first sight-well, at least for me. After Jeorge left he shut the door and I sat on the floor touching and petting my new Jetta, but she did not want any of it. She stood perfectly still with her head up and ears perked staring at the door. She stayed in this position for nearly two hours. I was pretty sad that she loved Jeorge so much that she didn’t’ want anything to do with me. During this prolonged stand off, Willow, Laura’s pretty little yellow lab, was brought in. Laura and Willow spent their time talking and petting on her side while I still sat in the hall of our room trying to persuade Jetta that I really was interesting. Although we have had rough times-including those first two hours, we’ve come a long way and she is my best friend now. We still do things that annoy one another, but I know that she would give up her life for me and I would do the same for her. We work well as a team and I wouldn’t trade her for any other dog. That said, unfortunately, I can’t do anything exciting with her today because I have to swim twice today. So, we’ll be heading back to the pool this afternoon. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll take her for a nice long walk and we’ll stop in at the pet store to find a new bone or something. 
Happy anniversary to Laura and Willow too!!!!!!!!!

I'm Back

All right so it's almost been a month since I wrote last. I don't know what has been up with me this past year, but I just havent' felt like writing. Maybe I feel like everything in my life is kind of mundane and the same lately, so I figure I'll save everyone else from the boringness that consumes it. Hmmm, well that sounded slightly mellow-dramatic didn't it?
Well, to catch whoever still peaks at this blog in hopes of something to appear up...
School: I am finally almost done my degree. Starting in September, I'll be working on my last year. I took social statistics this past semester and it was a total disaster, but it's finished and I will never have to take that stupid class again. Right now I'm taking a Sociology of Health and Illness course and it's very interesting. I like the professor because she lets us use our personal experience as long as we back our ramblings up with scholarly analytical thinking...I can so do that!
Jetta: Jetta is wonderful and still cute! Recently she was sent to the groomer's because she rolled in a dirt pile and turned into a chocolate lab. Brown dirt was falling out of her a week later and I decided it was time to get cleaned. She's gained a few pounds and the vet says I have to try to get them off of her-four pounds to be exact. I've cut her food down a bit and I'm trying to exercise her more. Hopefully I can get the weight off. I do have to remind myself that she is six and a half and a lab. Labs are famous for their middle age weight gain, so I'll just have to watch it. Other than that, she is happy and loves me. She is actually showing more affection towards me and her working is still really good. Wait, scratch that...her work is really good when we're not going to the pool for the second time in a day. :) She hates it, but I can't blame her. She's stuck sitting on the deck for 2 hours while I flounder around. It's hot and it stinks like chlorene...who would want to go there willingly? Oh, wait, I go there willingly. lol
Swimming:
Swimming is busy. I am swimming between 3 and 3.5 kilometres a practice. I have started doing dry land workouts before practices just to strengthen my core. Plus I am swimming doubles some days. I am also going to buy a hoolahoop because I think it will be a fun way to strengthen my core muscles even more. I am going to an invitational meet in July-Canaa invited the States-and hopefully everything goes well there. The end goal is to swim well in Brazil in August. I made the Para Pan-Am Games' team in March and they are going to be held in Rio Brazil from August 6th to the 20th.
House life: Carmen and Christena have both moved out for the summer. Carmen is leaving for Jordan in a few days for the third time. Christena has come home to find a summer job and help her mom. Her evil step dad is finally moving out tomorrow...it seems like it's all a dream and we're going to wake up and he'll be back. Actually, that would be classified as a nightmare. lol He has his own apartment now and the rest of his furniture is being moved out tomorrow. *happy dance* Ahem, sorry...I digress. Dyan-that is how you spell her name-a girl in archaeology is subletting from Tenie and although I was really worried about it in the beginning, it's a great living arrangement. She works a lot and I swim a lot and we only see each other at breakfast and for our bedtime snack. We also see each other all day on Sunday, but we get along and have started doing things together-like going for hikes and fun things like that.
Kittens' update: They're fine. Sisu and Loki turned 2 on June 1st. I am planning on buying them new collars for their birthday present. I know I'm late, but I've been home since May 31st. Loki is now bigger than his sister, but they are both really small cats. Sisu is very cuddley and Loki is more so when it's just me at home. I guess he's a one person kind of cat. They have an eventful year of killing the mice that sneak into our house, playing in their new blue, yellow and red crinkle tunnel; rolling in catnip provided by one of their humans; stalking squirrels that are bigger than them in the window of our kitchen; yowling ferociously at other kitties who dare to step foot on the deck outside their kitchen windows; and many other kitty things. :)
Home home: My Dad is still working with a student after school. Actually he is there this weekend. My mom has been down to visit me in Waterloo once already and she is driving me back this Monday and staying for a week. We've booked a cottage to stay in for my cousin's wedding at the end of September and Tenie's coming too. My grandparents are doing well and my Dad's mom is as rediculous as always. She called last Sunday and said she was not coming to her great grandson's birthday because she thought had broke her wrist. lmao! I mean, oh poor grandma, let us dote on you and make your *fake* broken wrist feel better. I love my family...really, I do. Another cousin got married in May. So now that means that two of my cousins are married and the third is in the works.
Stuff I may have missed: I cut my hair-about six or seven inches. I really like it and everyone says that it makes me look smarter and more mature. I figured I'm going to be 24 this year, maybe I should chop the long hair off that I have had since I was like 9 and get a new hairstyle. I'm standing up in one of my very good friend's weddings in July. I am picking up my hemmed dress on Tuesday and I am very excited. Jetta gets to wear flowers on her harness for the wedding. :) Tenie's coming and Chris is playing the piano for the ceremony-he is tickled pink. I'm getting fitted for new eyes this week-I don't know what colour, but I guess I'll know in a few days. Ashley has officially been accepted to McGill and her transfer is final. She has a new place in Montreal starting July 1st. I am going to miss her. It's going to be weird without her. Jeevan has a new job in Toronto and so does Chrispy and Cathy. Everyone is graduating and going away. It's kind of weird. But, I guess that will be us next year. I've decided to skip Vancouver for now and take the massage therapy program in London. They also have an Equine program and that is what ultimately made up my mind. I'll take human massage first and then equine after that. So, I think that is it...well, of course condensed. :) I know I've said this before, but maybe I'll feel more inclined to update more often. Then, instead of pouring out a bunch of information, I'll be able to ramble about what is actually swimming around in my brain-actually, this morning when I woke up it was mostly the stuff I just wrote. I think there has been a lot of change and things will continue changing, but I am pretty excited about it-especially the massage therapy stuff. :)

"Asking too much?"

asking too much

asking too much
i want somebody who sees the pointlessness
and still keeps their purpose in mind
i want somebody who has a tortured soul
some of the time
i want somebody who will either put out for me
or put me out of misery
or maybe just put it all to words
and make me go, you know
i never heard it put that way
make me say, what did you just say?

i want somebody who can hold my interest
hold it and never let it fall
someone who can flatten me with a kiss
that hits like a fist
or a sentence, that stops me like a brick wall
if you hear me talking
listen to what i'm not saying
if you hear me playing guitar
listen to what i'm not playing
and don't ask me to put words
to all the silences i wrote
don't ask me to put words
to all the spaces between notes
in fact if you have to ask, forget it
do and you'll regret it
i'm tired of being the interesting one
i'm tired of having fun for two
just lay yourself on the line
and i might lay myself down by you
but don't sit behind your eyes
and wait for me to surprise you
i want somebody who can make me
scream until it's funny
give me a run for my money
i want someone who can
twist me up in knots
tell me, for the woman who has everything
what have you got?
i want someone who's not afraid of me
or anyone else
in other words i want someone
who's not afraid of themself

do you think i'm asking too much?

(Again, Ani Defranco can express it better than I can).

This is soooo true!!!

This was sent to me in the form of a national team newsletter. I thought it was helarious and there were definitely elements of truth in it. If you are a swimmer you will understand-happy reading. :)

You might be a swimmer if...…

Whenever you hear an electronic beep you instinctively jump.
bugs die of chlorine poisoning when they land on your skin
the phrase "This set with fins" is better than hearing "You just won $1000,"
you answer, "I don't need to" when someone asks when you showered last
You know how to squirt water 15 different ways
your long term goal is to slap your bicep on your lat
your friends have stopped asking you about your plans for the evenings
a friend asks how a certain guy dresses and you reply, "I only see him without his clothes
on"
the phrase, "50 double armed backstroke with a breast stroke kick makes you happier than
anything
you have hickeys on your neck
you sweat chlorine even after showering
getting smacked on the butt doesn't bother you at all
someone asks if you have any siblings and you start listing teammates
you suck at running
you have to try on 30 shirts just to find one that fits your shoulders
when the life guard tryouts say you have to swim a 500 in less than 9 minutes you laugh
there are wet towels over every door in your house

Oh the glorious, glamourous life of a swimmer...lol

Fun Random Stuff

Carmen sent me this in an email a few weeks back. I finally finished filling it out and thought it would be fun to post. I think I have posted something similar before, but meh... Happy reading. :)
1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Jessica Anne Tuomela

2. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING? Faded blue jeans…nothing too exciting

3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT Now? Nothing…Paul can’t talk and play music at the same time-well he can, but I can’t understand him

4. WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU ATE? A turkey sandwich and cranberry juice, but it is definitely time to eat again

5. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Yes-at least I would if I could see them lol

6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? PURPLE, do you even have to ask? Then again, maybe red?

7.HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? BEAUTIFUL!!! Finally-perfect picnic weather.

8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Chris, asking him to come with us for a picnic.

9. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? Only when she makes me coffee. lol

10. HOW OLD ARE YOU TODAY? 23

11. FAVORITE DRINK? Chocolate milk or pineapple juice on a summer day

12. FAVORITE SPORT? Swimming-wel, at least it better be considering I am in the pool 5 days a week and next week it’s about to increase.

13. HAIR COLOR? brown

14. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Lol Hell no…very counter productive.

15. SIBLINGS? Just me…unless Sasha and Flash count.

16. FAVORITE MONTH? That is too hard-I like each month for different reasons…maybe May or September because they’re not too hot, but they’re still nice out.

17. FAVORITE FOOD? Barbecued steak

18. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Lilo and Stitch-I will never get sick of “Cute and fluffy!”

19. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? July first-it’s fun celebrating and eating too much food

20. WAY TO VENT ANGER: write, go for a walk or do something physical (like swim hard in practice), Oh and rant too.

21. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? The dollhouse my grandpa made for me. I still have it!

22. SUMMER OR WINTER? I like both for different reasons, but probably summer-I like being outside in the sunshine.

23. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs-you can never go wrong with a hug.

24. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? chocolate

25. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS/FAMILY TO WRITE/ E-MAIL BACK? probably email, faster

26. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? No one. I am putting this on my blog.

27. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? see above lol

Not sure what happened to questions 28 & 30 <-- WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! i see....

29. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? in a house, with Christena, Carmen, me, Jetta, 2 cats 2 plants and hopefully a lobster…right girls?

31. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? I don’t want to know!!!! There a few suitcases, hair balls, some textbooks and I don’t want to know what else. It’s a double, there is a lot of room for things to be under there.

32. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST? Christena-16 and a half years…yikes!

33. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Helped Christena move all of her shit into the basement-she is going home for the summer and her subletter wanted to put her own damn furniture in Tenie’s room. If anyone ever wants help disassembling a bed…you know where I am.

34. FAVORITE SMELL? Vanilla…and earth smell after it’s rained.

35. WHAT INSPIRES YOU? People who give and love others unconditionally. Just to see love and utter bliss inspires me.

36. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? Hurting someone.
37. PLAIN, BUTTERED OR SALTED POPCORN? buttered

38. FAVORITE CAR? uhhh RORY!!!! aka jacquie's car that you can hear from a block away lol *agreeing with Carmen on this one*.

39. FAVORITE FLOWERS? orchids are pretty, but they better be purple.

40. NUMBER OF KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING: None. We have keyless entry.

41. CAN YOU JUGGLE? HELL NO! I can barely keep from spilling my coffee. Should the blind girl really be juggling anyway…? lol

42. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK? Friday-I don’t have to swim Saturday morning so I can actually hang out with my night hawk friends that night. 

43. WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY? It was at least interesting. I spent my birthday working out at a camp last summer. I didn’t think anyone knew, but a few of the campers found out and sang to me while I worked mini putt and at supper the councillors high jacked me and made me sing “I’m a little Teapot” standing on a chair in front of the whole camp. Then, after supper they surprised me with the most delicious cake ever-it was even decorated! It was so pretty! So, I’d say it was pretty damn good. 

44. HOW MANY STATES HAVE YOU LIVED IN? 1, but maybe soon to be 2 if I move out to British Columbia for massage therapy.

45. HOW MANY COUNTRIES HAVE YOU LIVED IN? one…but I have travelled to seven

46. WHAT CITY'S HAVE YOU LIVED IN? 3; Sault Ste. Marie, Brantford, and Waterloo

47. HOW MANY CARS HAVE YOU HAD & WHAT WAS THE FIRSTCAR THAT YOU HAD? Zero…although my dog’s name is Jetta…does she count?

48. WHERE *the hell* WERE YOU BORN? Sault Ste. Marie…go Northern Ontario!

The end!