Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Untitled Confusion

Why is it when you are 12 you think that everything is so simple? You can conquer all and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or says. You can own your own corporation; have as many kids as you want; as many puppies as you want; tell your parents that their opinion of your partner doesn’t matter; dance on the moon; swing from a star; dream of changing the world one day. Why is it at 24 that you are not able to be naïve and life is not as simple? Things like love become very complicated and it does matter what other people will say or do. You are more aware of the fact that others could get hurt and that some people will disapprove. At 12, what others think is not such a big deal. Perhaps because at 12, one is not really looking for a life partner-no matter what your little girl imagination may think. At 24 there are things to worry about like geography, money, and again making sure no innocent bystanders get hurt. How is it that something that is supposed to be so wonderful becomes so political? The university education that you get also complicates things-it makes you aware of the little problems that could arise. Why is it that I can no longer look at something and see its simplicity and beauty? Why must I analyse it-pick it apart until I drive myself mad? Questions and thoughts jumble together in your head, invading your dreams when you sleep and circling through your brain when you are supposed to be focusing on something else. Emotions dance in and out of the corners of your mind like flickering flames…you are never really sure what you feel. Happy? Excited? Confused? Wary? Maybe all of these at the same time? When you are 12 happiness and excitement would be the dominant emotion-wariness comes with experience. Yet, underneath all of the confusion is a sense of rightfulness you just can’t explain…

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