"Like a Weed."

Herro everones! Hermione heres again today.
Haves you ever noticed that your hu Man and hu Woman (or whoevers lives with you), says the mostest strangest thingies? I means, da Daddy loves these thingies called wrought dogs, erm, I means hot dogs. Him says theys are delicious. Him says him would eat thems all of the time. So, I hopped on to da Mama's 'puter thingy and looked these wrought, I means, hot dogs thingies up and do you knows what? There is nothing doggie abouts them. Why does da Daddy calls them that?
Da mama isn't much betters. Hers says weird thingis too. Like just the other day, hers picked me up to go outside because I ams not allowed to climb stairs yet and hers says,
"oh, Hermione, you are growing like a weed."
"A wha Mama?" I tried to ask hers, but hers never underpants me...oh, I thinks that's supposed to be "understands" me.
So, while I was looking up those wrought dogs, I looked up a "weed" and do you knows what I found?!
Weeds are not nice things! They choke other pints, erm plants, and most of thems are not pretty! Hows does da mama thinks I'm a weed?
I, Hermione Sophia, am certainly not a weed and I will shows you.
First of all, weeds comes in funny bright colours. I am more of a sin a man...cinnamon, colour with some very lovely white markings. Hows can da Mama contort, hmmm confuse, me with a weed? I means, I knows hers eyes don'ts really works-I figured that out, but I'll tell you all abouts that another postie-but Auntie Tenie and Auntie Carmen tell da Mama what colours my furs are. Hers must know that I am not green or yellow like a dandelion, rights?
Another reason  why I am not a weed is because I haves legs. Sures, weeds haves foots that goes deep into the ground...foots? Hoods? Toots? No, roots! Roots that goes into the ground,  but they do not haves legs. Thank dogness because we'd haves weeds running around on leashes going for walks and doing zoomies; especially since da Mama seems to thinks that weeds makes good pets.
Also, I haves eyes and a nose and two flabby...I means, floppy ears. Weeds do not haves any of these thingies. I've also tasted weeds. I knows I haves! Don'ts look at me like that. I knows you've tasted them too...and I knows I don't taste like that. Plus, who would wants to eat me? Weeds are for perfuming, ah...consuming and, I, Hermione Sophia, am certainly not for perfuming, erm consuming!
So, you sees? Hows can da Mama gets me confused with weeds? Hers really needs to gets hers eyes...wait, no, those don't work...hers brains checked? I ams much too pretty to be compeared-mmm pears-with dandelions.
Hers also said that if I didn't stops growing like a weed that hers was going to sticks me in a bottle...what's that all abouts?
I'm sorry Mama, but I ams not a weed, I researched it, and there is no ways I'd fits into a bottle! Hers really needs her brains checked.
Nows, it's times for my nap. A growing puppy needs hers beauty sleep you knows.