This past weekend was a mixture of sweetness and bitterness. It's amazing how one's heart tries to protect itself, but one little thing can undo all of that work.
We had a Halloween/birthday party for our latest inductee of the Confederation of the Bitches, Alicia. The party was a hit. We had about 21 people or so and the decorations and food turned out great. There were a lot of people dressed up and Christena's cousin and I had blown up these really cool long balloons with a bicycle pump. Tenie strung up cob webbing and we had grave stone candles that bled red wax lit around the house. Not to mention our strategically placed spider, skeleton and witch hats. So, that was the fun part. Part of the bad part had occurred earlier that day while we were blowing up balloons.
One of the people I was a camp councillor for this summer-and had become very close to-died. He passed away from complications of Diabetes. I was pretty upset, but I tried to push it aside so that the party wouldn't be a flop. I had gone to his and his common-law wife's house for Thanksgiving and they had basically become my adopted parents down here. From there the weekend kept getting worse.
Sunday my parents phoned and said that there may be an impending separation-it is dependent upon whether or not my Dad can stop his drinking or not. This has been an ongoing issue in my nuclear family and lately, it's just gotten worse.
The third issue, which doesn't seem as huge as the first two, is that our freezer crapped out. I smelled plastic burning on Saturday night and although we all searched, no one could find the smelly source. It turned out that the breaker on our freezer blew and this morning when we went to take stuff out for supper, the bananas I had been freezing for muffins had thawed and oozed all over Christena and the freezer. I spent part of the morning cleaning it out. It was pretty disgusting. All of our meat had thawed, so tonight we spent the majority of the night cooking the chicken.
It's not that the freezer was a big deal. We just lost some meat and managed to save a lot of it. I guess it's just everything is piling up. I had the week from Hell last week with school stuff and I just feel like I am being smothered. Friday is Taylor's funeral and I promised Lise I would go. She started crying when I said I was coming and then we talked about all of the great stories Taylor would tell. She said "I love you," when she hung up and I lost it right there. I said, "I love you," back and then hung up sobbing. I don't understand. Here is this couple-completely in love with each other. She's already lost one husband to Diabetic complications and here she loses her "life partner," as she calls him. Then, there's my parents, who love each other, but they just can't seem to get past my Dad's drinking. His drinking has had a huge impact on me. It's made me have trust issues and I always want to fix everything that I think may be broken. I guess, subconsciously, I figure if I can't help him, I can console everyone else and make it all better. Well, I know logically that can't happen, but, I guess I can hold out hope. I think I am teetering on the edge of a depression. I feel like one little slip and I could tumble down to the bottom. It's a vicious circle. I am too busy helping everyone else, that I don't have time for myself. I dont' know where else to go with this blog. It's just a random jumble of my thoughts spewed out in a disorganised fashion. I just needed to ramble I guess. Problem is, I'm not sure I have said everything I need to say-I just can't find words. Carmen and Tenie have been good. Tenie brought me to bed last night and tucked me in. She stayed with me until I finished crying and Carmen curled up with me and made me laugh. They made the fuzzies sleep with me for comfort. They said it was the animals' jobs because they were earning their keep. :)
Anyway, I should try to sleep. I have swim practice in the morning.