Friday, December 30, 2005

===from the archives of Lindsay e-mail===

R.I.P. Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of Common Sense who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic Red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but over bearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. Also, a brother, Consideration for Other People. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still know him pass this on, if not join the majority and do nothing.

I am a BITCH
and proud of it, dammit!
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a BITCH. When I stand up for those I love, they call me a BITCH. When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a BITCH. Being a BITCH means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life my way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a BITCH. The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be. I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that! So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And if that makes me a BITCH, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
B = Babe
I = In
T = Total
C = Control of
H = Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything


Katherine said...

You rock, Bitch!

JuliaR said...

My former co-worker and I used to say, "you call me a bitch like it's bad thing!"

JuliaR said...

Of course, I meant... "like it's A bad thing"! Ack.

Jess and Jetta said...

I try! This would be a good time to explain the Confedaration of the Bitches. Three of my friends and I have all been called bitches in the past for such things as: demanding rights, standing up to authority and being assertive. So, we started meeting once a week and doing fun things and called it the Confederation of The Bitches. I guess, like they've said so many times in Soc. classes, reclaiming the word lessens the sting a little. *Sidenote: I am sure that name will continue to be hurled at us, so why not start a clug?*

Stan said...
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Stan said...
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