Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Resisting Change

Where has the time gone? My last class is on Thursday and I hand in my last paper that day as well. I can’t believe that this semester is basically over-well, over in the sense that I don’t have classes anymore. We will still have to go through the lovely experience of stressful exam period, but other than that, it’s over. I had my last social Statistics class yesterday and I can’t say that I really mind much. It’s been a bit of a struggle-partly due to my lack of ability to work at things that I hate and partly to the fact that it’s stats and it’s just bloody hard!
I guess I’m writing because I’m a bit worried about this summer. Most of my friends won’t be around and I think it’s going to be really boring! I mean, of course I’ll have one class and double practices to keep me busy, but I’m a social butterfly and there really won’t be very many people here. Tenie’s going home for the summer-she’ll be leaving in a few weeks. Carmen will be around for a while, but she’s going back to Jordan to dig. Ashley’s given up her spot in her house and is moving home because she’ll be moving to Montreal in July. And, although I will have a few other people left, these three girls are the main players in my life and it’s going to be strange without them here. Tenie also has a sub letter who is terrified of catching blind. Yesterday she came over for a tour and winced any time I walked by her. I tried to verbally engage her in conversation, but she just didn’t’ answer. How does this girl expect to live with me for four months and not talk to me? Hopefully things get better. I guess I’m just frustrated because it always seems it’s me reaching out to the sighted public, educating them about me and then getting shut down by someone who can’t get over it. I’m pretty sure I’m fairly intelligent person, I can usually carry a good conversation and I’m not afraid to answer any of your questions, but bloody hell give me a chance! I’ve been out to formals with Tenie and Carmen before and this particular girl has been in attendance. It was exactly the same situation then too. I asked Christena if there was any way of finding someone else, but she barely answered me and walked away. I guess I’m being a bit of a baby and a bitch. Who knows maybe it’ll get better. At least Carmen will be here with the two of us for the first little bit. Other than that, I don’t’ know what to say. I’m just nervous I guess. I also worry that something will go wrong with Jetta and her. The girl may not completely understand the strict rules of a guide dog and I am afraid she’ll feed her behind my back. It’s happened before-even people who are my friends. People don’t understand how much control they take away from me when they do. It screws up our working relationship big time! I think that is my biggest concern with that.
I guess it’s kind of weird to think that this could be my last summer in Waterloo. As far as I know I’ll be here next year, but if swimming does something strange I may have to go train somewhere else. Not to mention, in a year from now I’ll b done school and having to figure out what I’ll be doing next. What school I’ll go to, what program I’ll be in and if I’ll keep swimming at the level I am at. I think when I do finally retire, it’s going to be very weird. It’s like I’ve always been the swimmer…the athlete you know? I’ll have to re-define my social role in a sense. I think change is good, but it is so much harder to do when you are older. I remember when I was a kid that change was fun and I always looked for change, but as an adult it’s like that side of us disappears. We become more apprehensive and uncomfortable with the thought of things being different.
Oh well, I’ll just have to keep telling myself that change is good and maybe it will turn out all right.
Anyway, I’m back to writing my paper.

No comments: